ive been thinking a lot lately and i dont like how ive become so addicted to something that isnt real: my online social life. what does an online social life do for anyone? nothing. it does nothing. it does not help you in real life and it can really hurt the way you view certain things. i know this for a fact. for the past couple of weeks ive allowed myself to change from mature responsible 17 year old who will be 18 in 4 months, to screaming crying 5 year old brat.
and its not just me. ive noticed through live journals and message board posts that all of you (including myself) just like to take a topic and rip it a part, be it how much you hate someone, their art, how bad your day was or how someone didnt reply to your post or whoever said this about this artist, who stole WHAT from WHAT artist. ooo *whisper whisper whisper!* look what someone stole? this wolf looks just like that coyote someone drew a billion years ago but didnt put online cuz she didnt have a scanner then but they must have STOLE IT!
grow up. i know i need to.
im sorry i allowed myself to behave this way. its my own fault, but perhaps some of you can also change as well. this isnt real, i dont think most of you realize that. and my obsession with this so called "life" i think i have..well...its just a joke, and its allowed me to hurt many people i care about. including myself. it does nothing but harm me to contribute to this childish lifestyle. sure i LOVE being a fur dont get me wrong, but i also hate the social life that comes with it.
i think im going to go back to the way it used to be. yeah i like being moderately popular in the art community, but i also wanna be respected. not someone who goes and yells at people like a little baby *yes paul im talking about you* that im very ashamed of and i dont want to do again. why? cuz its stupid! nothing that happens online is gonna afect me IRL. Nothing. yet somehow i treat it like it will. i shouldnt let myself think like that.
first, id like to say some apologies. im sorry mom and dad for getting addicted to the net again. even though youve limited my usage, im still addicted. i think im going to set my own limits now, and i know just how to do it. im sorry tavis for contributing the part of the fandom you hate so much, and in turn sucking you in to my stupid little made up world.
im sorry paul the argument we had lasted more than a day. im sorry oakpaw, for being brutally honest about certain issues. im sorry everyone that ive allowed certain things to bring out the worst in me.
sure its fun to rant. but all the time? at other peoples expense? thats just wrong. ive ended up becoming someone i dont want to be and it needs to stop now. im aiming to move outta my house and get a real life, but i cant do that glued to the computer playing a child to anyone who reads any stupid comments i have to say.
im not going to go to certain forums. im not gonna post. if i do, yell at me, cuz i dont wanna contribute. i wanna lose touch with anything anyones doing. that way, by the time i feel im ready to surf the net and *talk* again having found myself, i wont know all the details about everyones life and ill be so lost and out of touch with the stupid drama everyones created for themselves that it will go back to "not even knowing you" again. do i still like you? yes. but perhaps some of you out there also need to do the same thing. its necessary if you want to grow up.
ive tried to eliminate all drama in my life. i think ive done a pretty nice job. but now, i need to get rid of the drama that faces me every day on my computer.
so...no forums, no responding to live journals. am i still gonna post in mine? yeah. but you wont hear me bitching about people you know online and how much they suck or how much i cant live without a certain message board or what so and so said about me. and i think this will help me. after all...i have certain things i need to gain back. and i dont want to be the next person you write about in Sabby and Sel's ShitPot.
so...im taking a long and much needed break from the furry fandom...well..at least all that comes with Oakpaw's boards. its really brought out the worst in me.
and once again. im sorry. =*(