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this is cute... - The art of Thornwolf — LiveJournal
thornwolf
thornwolf
this is cute...
HISTORY ACCORDING TO 6TH GRADERS........
> > > >
> > > > The following were answers provided by 6th graders
> > > > during history tests. Watch the spelling! Some of
> > > > the best humor is in the misspelling.
> > > >
> > > > 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and
> > > > they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the
> > > > Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that
> > > > all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
> > > >
> > > > 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea
> > > > where they made unleavened bread, which is
> > > > bread made without any ingredients. Moses went
> > > > up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
> > > > commandments. He died before he ever reached
> > > > Canada.
> > > >
> > > > 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven
> > > > hundred porcupines.
> > > >
> > > > 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
> > > > without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks
> > > > also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
> > > >
> > > > 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
> > > > around giving people advice. They killed him.
> > > > Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After
> > > > his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
> > > >
> > > > 6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
> > > > battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered
> > > > him because they thought he was going to be
> > > > made king. Dying, he gasped out:
> > > > "Tee hee, Brutus."
> > > >
> > > > 7. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
> > > > canonized by Bernard Shaw.
> > > >
> > > > 8. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
> > > > queen she was a success. When she exposed
> > > > herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
> > > >
> > > > 9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
> > > > Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
> > > > Another important invention was the circulation of
> > > > blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
> > > > because he invented cigarettes and started
> > > > smoking.
> > > >
> > > > 10. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a
> > > > 100-foot clipper.
> > > >
> > > > 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was
> > > > William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
> > > > supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
> > > > money and is famous only because of his plays.
> > > > He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies,
> > > > all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are
> > > > an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish
> > > > was to be laid by Juliet.
> > > >
> > > > 12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was
> > > > Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The
> > > > next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
> > > > Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote
> > > > Paradise Regained.
> > > >
> > > > 13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
> > > > Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin,
> > > > and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
> > > > Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
> > > > electricity by rubbing two cats backward and
> > > > declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
> > > > stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
> > > >
> > > > 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
> > > > Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and
> > > > he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
> > > > own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
> > > > signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the
> > > > night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
> > > > and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
> > > > moving picture show. They believe the assinator
> > > > was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
> > > > actor. This ruined Booth's career.
> > > >
> > > > 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
> > > > compositions and had a large number of children.
> > > > In between, he practiced on an old spinster which
> > > > he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to
> > > > the present. Bach was the most famous
> > > > composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel
> > > > was half German, half Italian, and half English.
> > > > He was very large.
> > > >
> > > > 16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.
> > > > He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long
> > > > walks in the forest even when everyone was calling
> > > > for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died
> > > > for this.
> > > >
> > > > 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great
> > > > many thoughts and inventions. People stopped
> > > > reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
> > > > machine. The invention of the steamboat caused
> > > > a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick
> > > > invented the McCormick raper, which did the
> > > > work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered
> > > > a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a
> > > > naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
> > > > Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx
> > > > became one of the Marx Brothers.
> > >
>

Current Mood: amused amused

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Comments
wisegoat From: wisegoat Date: January 30th, 2003 09:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
LMAO! Those are so hilarious! : )
vekke From: vekke Date: January 31st, 2003 01:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heeehhh. Reminds me somehow of Hank the Cowdog. The sentences contradict each other and repeat themselves. All I can say is . . . LMAO!!

I needed something to cheer me up.
2 comments or Leave a comment