February 3rd, 2004

Shabu Dog


The whole fucking world is against me..swear to god.

This school year is already sucking, no matter how hard I try to NOT make it suck. I actually READ the books I'm assigned, but because of my work schedule, that means I can only read on my breaks when I can, or when I'm not dog tired from commuting. I'll be damned if I'm going to read during my breaks at school, because those are the times I take to eat something before my stomach implodes and gives me another massive brain-bleeding headache. I wish the California school system would give us some healthy snacks to put in the cafe's other than cocoa puffs breakfast cereal bars and Pocky. Come on people...I know its cool and super funky and all, but that's not all Japanese people eat..get with the times! *Our Cafe is SUPER ASIAN KEWL! OMG!* </sarcasm> It didn't used to be so bad, until they got RID of the apples and lunchables that they kept alongside the nesquik and green tea and Japanese soda...those were my only source of protein for most of the day since I only have about 15 minute periods AT MOST between classes to grab sustinance and the cafeteria is far away and the fish taco stand is never open *I'm sorry, but subway for breakfast is just gross*

Not to mention I'm getting very chubby around the midsection and almost cried when I tried on clothes at Kohls today. Literally. I sat in the dressingroom and whimpered that somehow a large doesn't fit someone who used to be 100 lbs and only gained maybe 10 within the last 6 months. Yes I'm 110 lbs..and somehow I'm labeled huge by the clothing standards. Honestly..what do the fat kids do? America is fat people..make clothes accordingly! Dad got me a skirt/suite and some turtlenecks though..they were baggy enough to make me not want to kill myself for being addicted to donuts. I think Kohls' prices are cheap because they use recycled funhouse mirrors in the dressingrooms. *le sigh*

I'm very thankful that Dad is working with me to make sure I'm able to fit school in and work so that I may have adequate time to do my homework..but until he hires some more help around the office, I have to carry my share of the work load. Fair enough, and I'm more than happy to help, but I'm already getting behind in my schoolwork because I'm so dog tired when I come home that even if you told me it was raining donuts outside, I wouldn't budge.

I hate my figure drawing class. Sure, I love my classmates, but I hate the instruction. It's very beginner, and the instructor, as talented as he may be to some..keeps using the word "beginner" and it bothers me. SERIOUSLY bothers me. Makes me wonder if I'm in the wrong class but oh NO! I checked the schedule and its beginners and advanced in the same fucking class. WHO'S IDEA WAS THAT?! Stupid budget cuts. So while everyone is learning what a square is, I'm already to draw a model, but wait..no..the instructor is telling me to draw the model in circles in squares like I did for..oh..lets try 3 years ago..or even more. I'm past that! Sure I'm not the greatest artist in the world..but its called "moving forward" not rehashing the same material you're supposed to learn before you even TAKE a serious figure drawing class. "Alright folks..next class I'm going to teach you how to draw a line..no Billy..stop putting the conte crayon up your nose..thats not art..thats just unhealthy"

Argue with me all you want, but no matter how many points you make, this teaching method will still not work for me. Will I do the work? Of course because I'm a pansy and want to get a good grade like a good little student..but I'm going to drive myself into a fit of self loathing if this screws up the way I do art *and it already is...fuck.*

My math class is scary. I understand things more, which is a plus though, so thats a good thing. Considering this is my third time taking the class *YES I PASSED IT IN HIGHSCHOOL...but NO IT DIDN'T TRANSFER OVER...WOOOOOOO!!!* I should know this stuff by now..but the thing is..I have no fire in my belly to succeed anymore. The credit doesnt transfer over to a higher college..so whats the point in trying? So close yet so far..fuck math I'll just count on my fingers and toes. >_<

Although puppy boy Tavis got me a great deal on a super-neat calculator, I can't use it until after the first exam. *sigh*. Oh..and my teacher is angry all the time..why? I don't know. Maybe because he realized he wasted his years on college freshmen who do nothing but stare at him with dead eyes if they're not already asleep. *yes..most of my class sleeps..no I'm not one of them*

Then, after reading 111 pages of the Maltese Falcon...*awful detective book btw..so cliche..* I realize I don't have any of my paperwork to do my homework anyway, so whats the point? There go 2 papers OUT THE WINDOW and I've only had 2 class meetings. The funny thing is..i KNOW where my papers were..and suddenly the homework gnomes are screwing with my head the night before my homework's due. *pounds head on her desk*

I think I'm going to curl up and angst now. *kicks*
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