An Ethel Among Mermans (thornwolf) wrote,
An Ethel Among Mermans

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I'm sad now.
I was supposed to go see my dad and his girlfriend in Lake Elsinore *about an hour from here* for a potroast dinner.
Things got really hectic around here all of a sudden. i remembered i have a paper due tuesday which i havent started, i got on a roll with my commissions, and mom suddenly came home from her retreat way earlier than i thought she would have. Not to mention i was just overall running late and would not get up there till like an hour after i said id be there.
I called my dad and told him the story he said *well you can work on your paper up here if youd like* everyone in my family knows i have an issue with working on stressful homework in another environment aside from my own home, yet few understand it.
it came to the conclusion that he said that it was fine and i didnt have to come up there. But i wanted to...thats the thing.
i said "no..but i want to see you" and he said *well then come up and well send you on your way asap* that generally means ill be one of those people who eats and runs. i hate being that person. ive done that the past 2 times ive gone up there and i always feel REALLY bad.

i just about cried when i was on the phone with him. I miss my dad a lot. i mean, i see him quite a bit and when i do we have a good time, but for some reason i get all sentimental when i see him. probably because of all the times ive said in my mind that i hate him when i really dont. i really dont hate dad at all in fact i love him very much and i miss seeing him all the time.

hopefully well get to spend time together this week.

its so hard for me to say no. even when im busy, even when i simply cant do something, i cant say no. especially to my dad. hes one of those people that is so hard to say no to...kinda like a cute puppy thats been chewing on your couch.
i also hate being a disappointment.

this problem is not with my dad. its with me. Dad didnt make me feel bad at all on purpose. he was just being loving...and for that, i feel bad.

im not used to unconditional love yet i guess...
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