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The art of Thornwolf
The whole fucking world is against me..swear to god.

This school year is already sucking, no matter how hard I try to NOT make it suck. I actually READ the books I'm assigned, but because of my work schedule, that means I can only read on my breaks when I can, or when I'm not dog tired from commuting. I'll be damned if I'm going to read during my breaks at school, because those are the times I take to eat something before my stomach implodes and gives me another massive brain-bleeding headache. I wish the California school system would give us some healthy snacks to put in the cafe's other than cocoa puffs breakfast cereal bars and Pocky. Come on people...I know its cool and super funky and all, but that's not all Japanese people eat..get with the times! *Our Cafe is SUPER ASIAN KEWL! OMG!* </sarcasm> It didn't used to be so bad, until they got RID of the apples and lunchables that they kept alongside the nesquik and green tea and Japanese soda...those were my only source of protein for most of the day since I only have about 15 minute periods AT MOST between classes to grab sustinance and the cafeteria is far away and the fish taco stand is never open *I'm sorry, but subway for breakfast is just gross*

Not to mention I'm getting very chubby around the midsection and almost cried when I tried on clothes at Kohls today. Literally. I sat in the dressingroom and whimpered that somehow a large doesn't fit someone who used to be 100 lbs and only gained maybe 10 within the last 6 months. Yes I'm 110 lbs..and somehow I'm labeled huge by the clothing standards. Honestly..what do the fat kids do? America is fat people..make clothes accordingly! Dad got me a skirt/suite and some turtlenecks though..they were baggy enough to make me not want to kill myself for being addicted to donuts. I think Kohls' prices are cheap because they use recycled funhouse mirrors in the dressingrooms. *le sigh*

I'm very thankful that Dad is working with me to make sure I'm able to fit school in and work so that I may have adequate time to do my homework..but until he hires some more help around the office, I have to carry my share of the work load. Fair enough, and I'm more than happy to help, but I'm already getting behind in my schoolwork because I'm so dog tired when I come home that even if you told me it was raining donuts outside, I wouldn't budge.

I hate my figure drawing class. Sure, I love my classmates, but I hate the instruction. It's very beginner, and the instructor, as talented as he may be to some..keeps using the word "beginner" and it bothers me. SERIOUSLY bothers me. Makes me wonder if I'm in the wrong class but oh NO! I checked the schedule and its beginners and advanced in the same fucking class. WHO'S IDEA WAS THAT?! Stupid budget cuts. So while everyone is learning what a square is, I'm already to draw a model, but wait..no..the instructor is telling me to draw the model in circles in squares like I did for..oh..lets try 3 years ago..or even more. I'm past that! Sure I'm not the greatest artist in the world..but its called "moving forward" not rehashing the same material you're supposed to learn before you even TAKE a serious figure drawing class. "Alright folks..next class I'm going to teach you how to draw a line..no Billy..stop putting the conte crayon up your nose..thats not art..thats just unhealthy"

Argue with me all you want, but no matter how many points you make, this teaching method will still not work for me. Will I do the work? Of course because I'm a pansy and want to get a good grade like a good little student..but I'm going to drive myself into a fit of self loathing if this screws up the way I do art *and it already is...fuck.*

My math class is scary. I understand things more, which is a plus though, so thats a good thing. Considering this is my third time taking the class *YES I PASSED IT IN HIGHSCHOOL...but NO IT DIDN'T TRANSFER OVER...WOOOOOOO!!!* I should know this stuff by now..but the thing is..I have no fire in my belly to succeed anymore. The credit doesnt transfer over to a higher college..so whats the point in trying? So close yet so far..fuck math I'll just count on my fingers and toes. >_<

Although puppy boy Tavis got me a great deal on a super-neat calculator, I can't use it until after the first exam. *sigh*. Oh..and my teacher is angry all the time..why? I don't know. Maybe because he realized he wasted his years on college freshmen who do nothing but stare at him with dead eyes if they're not already asleep. *yes..most of my class sleeps..no I'm not one of them*

Then, after reading 111 pages of the Maltese Falcon...*awful detective book btw..so cliche..* I realize I don't have any of my paperwork to do my homework anyway, so whats the point? There go 2 papers OUT THE WINDOW and I've only had 2 class meetings. The funny thing is..i KNOW where my papers were..and suddenly the homework gnomes are screwing with my head the night before my homework's due. *pounds head on her desk*

I think I'm going to curl up and angst now. *kicks*

Current Mood: cynical cynical

13 comments or Leave a comment
westly From: westly Date: February 3rd, 2004 10:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh goddess...

if 110 is huge by clothing standards, I wonder what 232 is.

Yep, the Westlywolf weighed in at Whale today...

I'm getting my thyroid tested tomorrow...I'm on a lame fast for it too. ::hates water::

dravalen From: dravalen Date: February 3rd, 2004 10:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
Your not the only one who's having problems as well. Not quite school related but, blarg I'd rather not talk about it here. I have done the whole work/school thing before and it just didn't mesh for me(~30 hours/week + regular school schedule).

Anyway I didn't meant to rant on your LJ however if you ever need any help with the math just let me know, it's one of the very few things I'm pretty good at.
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thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: February 4th, 2004 07:58 am (UTC) (Link)


Thanks Amara. =)

I'm 4'11" and I should be around 100-115, but I've seen what I look like at 100 and for my particular build I feel that is what I should be. 110-115 for me feels chubby, but then again, 10 pounds on me is like 10% of my bodyweight so it DOES make a difference unfortunately.

I'll have to look into some of those jeans, I need to find some new pants anyhow. Thanks for the tip! =D
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thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: February 4th, 2004 09:47 pm (UTC) (Link)


oo! good idea. =) I think they have nutra-grain bars at the cafe...those'll do I'm sure.

And yes, there hasnt been a pair of pants I've met that I didnt have to have altered. *groan* you know what I've noticed? It seems that in pants, the wider the waist size, the shorter the legs, yet the slimmer the waist size, the longer the legs. subliminal messages? all short people should be wide meanwhile all thin people should be leggy amazon supermodels? ugh. they have big and tall stores..why not short and petite?!
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thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: February 4th, 2004 08:01 am (UTC) (Link)


True, very true, I think I've just been so into pop culture references that I see refs to the original too often and it begins t bother me.

And yes, California sizes are as follows: Annorexic, Asian, slighly chubby Asian. *no racial descrimination intened, I just don't know how the Japanese girls out here in San Diego keep so tiny! *
silverfoxxis From: silverfoxxis Date: February 4th, 2004 09:15 am (UTC) (Link)


Not sure if you'd care whether I post or not, but mayhaps I can help considering the whole weight-issue-dealie was a big thing I went through.

Don't worry so much, eh? I mean, I was once overweight, and I was once anorexic. Really, people worry about weight too much. . . I know I was, anyway. . .Weight gain doesn't always have something to do with eating poorly, or a lack of exercise. Weight gain can also have something or everything to do with depression, body chemistry, etc. . .

And, well. . . ten pounds is nothing. I suppose, be thankful that you're not one of the folk who have to stay on medication due to the fact they gain weight at an unnaturally quick speed? Crying about weight gain just. . .sounds terrible. In other parts of the world, people would be jumping for joy at gaining ten pounds, y'know?

Lastly. . .Clothing sizes vary from store to store. What is considered a "large" in some places could be considered a "small" in others. . .Just find what fits, and ignore the silly tag? :)

thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: February 4th, 2004 09:52 pm (UTC) (Link)


To put things quite bluntly..I dont like change. I, myself, hardly change. I've stayed the same size all through middle school and all through highschool and for me to have a sudden change means somethings off in my routine. OCD much? you betcha.

I've had friends who were anorexic, and yes it makes me feel kind of silly whining about my weight, but honestly, this is the first time I've EVER had a problem. I've always been comfortable with myself. Very comfortable..actually...but lately when i notice things going wrongly in my life that I think may be affecting my body in undesireable ways *aside from the weight thing, I've also been having unnaturally dry skin..which is..odd* and I agree with you, it may be depression or some kind of emotional thing thats causing this, but I do need to find a way to get things back on track whether it be emotional or physical. Thanks for your input =)
dragoncreator From: dragoncreator Date: February 4th, 2004 10:12 am (UTC) (Link)
110 is not huge. Clothing makers are just catering to the anorexic right now. It'll pass when people realize boney just doesn't look good. =^^=

silverfoxxis From: silverfoxxis Date: February 4th, 2004 11:50 am (UTC) (Link)


Granted, after the "anorexia trend" passes, there will be another silly thing to idolize and adore. *shrug* "Anorexia"/"skinny" wasn't always the popular thing to be. :)

thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: February 4th, 2004 09:54 pm (UTC) (Link)


you know..I actually prefer the classic "has a bit of meat" on her/renaissance look myself. =) I hope that comes back into fashion.
joeypoey From: joeypoey Date: February 4th, 2004 10:22 am (UTC) (Link)

And 110 is NOT fat. I'm 145 (probably getting towards 150, haven't been eating healthy lately...) and I'm a freaking stick.
thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: February 4th, 2004 09:56 pm (UTC) (Link)


yeah but you're a man! you silly men with your "i can eat everything and not gain weight" ness. Reagan eats nothing but BACON all day, my friend Kura can eat enough to feed a whole army, Tavis is Italian and eats pasta all the time, which, according to Atkins is a no no...where's /my/ break?! *banishes you*

just kidding =)
joeypoey From: joeypoey Date: February 5th, 2004 07:36 am (UTC) (Link)


Bah. Don't get me started on atkins. I still say the best thing you can do is eat well rounded meals according to the food pyramid and have some form of exercise you do pretty often. And even if it doesn't make you lose weight, it keeps you healthy which I say is far more important than being skinny.
13 comments or Leave a comment