a year ago today, this tragedy occurred. i havent cried till yesterday. ive been in shock that long and it finally just hit. i bought/took a billion pins today. im mailing one to Tav.
im not a crying person. i rarely cry, and i hate to cry. yesterday we had to watch this 9/11 film with these 2 french brothers who went with the first firemen on the job and they got stuck in the towers with all the smoke and stuff. nothing was edited out...and i mean NOTHING.
there was language, there were people jumping out of the buildings, you could hear their bodies crack as they fell through the cieling and onto the floor. i watched a fireman die right there on the TV screen. his last moments were filmed for all of us to watch. i saw them bring out the first found body, that preacher whos body count was 0001. there were bodyparts everywhere and people screaming in pain and worry. it was too much to bear, i cried. i dont know why they had us watch that in photography.
also, today in photography i looked through a book of photos from that day and the clean up days following. there, in the book, was a picture of a severed and mangled human leg, sandal still on the intact foot. i closed the book and left class.
at the flagpole they played several patriotic songs, i didnt sing for fear of creating this horrible crying sound that would be heard by all. i took my camera and got some pics of the flag as it hung lifeless at half mast. i silently cried, but i was bawling on the inside. Liz was standing next to me but i didnt speak cuz if i talked i would have poured out my soul and snivveled to the point where words werent making sense anymore. i had to stay strong though. i try to make it a rule to not lose it at school. i dont want the faculty to know im weak...thats how they start to think less of you anyhow. if they see you cry they think youll back down easy. i cried in the privacy of my own car.
tav called, and we watched the presidents address together on NBC. he was on ellis island, just a few minutes from Tav's island *which really was weird to think about*
im really nervous that hes gonna start a war. if that happens, and theres a draft....CW, tav and i are moving in with you to our neighbor to the north, Canada.
it really burns me up when people, after what i have seen during this week, dont at least STAND for thepledge. you dont have to say it, just show some respect and stand with everyone. Tiff's ex friend Miki *doesnt stand during the pledge* and she acts like a bitch about it feeling shes justified cuz shes Jewish and *belongs to israel*. whatever, i dont fucking care, stand up youre in america now. if you were in israel then you can do whatever you want. then she goes *america sucks i belong to israel yadda yadda thats where im gonna raise my children* i dont give a care....once again, youre not there now, nor have you ever even BEEN to israel. i assure you, america is a safer place to live. no offense to jews, its just this one particular individual who thinks shes too good for our country. if she was christian or buddhist id feel the same way. its disrespect is what it is. *bristles*
so to you who think youve heard enough, dont bother replying to my journal, cuz you dont have to read this. im just stating that its MY time to mourn and this is a time of respect. i dont wanna hear your opinion on how you think youve heard too much. this is mine. write your own opinion in your own journal if you feel youve had enough.
there, im done.
God Bless America.