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American Diner in Germany - The art of Thornwolf — LiveJournal
American Diner in Germany
Yesterday I went to the American diner with Phil (Simply called: American Restaurant), this is where we usually sit to have a beer because its less crowded than the italian cafe and we were in the mood for something cheap and greasy.

Well, every week they have "half priced burger" day. Now, their burgers are very interesting, but I get ahead of myself...

The thing about this American diner is of course, they're trying to bring the German people a taste of the US aside from McD's. Looking at the menu I find nearly everything, including the "tacos" are covered in chili. Hell you can even get schnitzel with chili. They seem to think that us Americans take every day normal food and coat it in Chili. Western style = add bacon and jalapenos...oh and more chili.

Even the appetizers are utterly unimaginative. It reads thusly:

Chips and salsa
Nachos Regular
Nachos with BBQ Chicken
Nachos Supreme/Grande..wtf ever theyre trying to signify that these are even MORE ultimate nachos than the previous nacho dish
Onion rings.


So like...16 different kinds of chips/cheese/otherstuff combos and then for a change of pace, onion rings.

Back to the burgers. The burgers, while their sole purpose in life is to be a sandwich, are, however, not. Now this being an American diner of course and us Americans are big fat lardasses and one patty is simply just not enough fried beef to satiate their appetite, these things have 2 big, thick, monsterous patties. 2 patties for half price with all the fixins plus fries and coleslaw? Not bad! But I made the mistake of the first time I got a burger there of defying the laws of physics and attempting to make a sandwich out of this thing.

No go.

They take the 2 halves of the buns put a patty on each, and coat it in a pillar of grilled onions that puts the tower of Babel to shame, plus the condiments, which taste suspiciously like curry.

Needless to say everything spurted out and it was utter burger carnage and I was forced to defile lady liberty and my country by wiping my greasy bbq sauce covered face on the tiny american flag/statue of liberty napkins they provided. MMM...bbq bukkake, my flag has never tasted so delicious.

This time, however, I decided to go with one of the many (!) nacho dishes. I got the regular nachos because I had a sneaking suspicion the bbq chicken nachos would be coated in bbq sauce like they do to everything else that lacks chili. My nachos arrive and I notice this massive plate of chips and jalapenos with ...what can best be described as a yarmulke of cheese coating a very small baldspot of chips. Furthermore it was barely melted so it looked more like cheese worms than gooey deliciousness.

The waitress left and I tried to explain to Phil that nachos sans cheese cease to be nachos. They're just really festive tortilla chips at that point. So I rationed my cheese because sending things back is I guess a very rude and pretentious American thing to do (Im in an American restaurant, they should expect it) but we were able to get some more cheese for free when we wanted to pack up the rest of them. However, despite the significant lack of the very item that makes them, indeed, nachos, they were actually pretty good!

I can honestly say the only reason I keep going back to this American diner is my own curiosity. I'm curious to see what American dish they'll attempt next and what disgusting greasy fat laden liquid they'll pour on an otherwise perfectly good meal in the name of good ol' American tradition. =)
22 comments or Leave a comment
resilientspider From: resilientspider Date: September 17th, 2006 10:15 am (UTC) (Link)
"...but we were able to get some more cheese for free when we wanted to pack up the rest of them."

So if you ask for a doggy-bag at a restaurant in Germany they'll give you something to pack things up with without giving a boggled look?

Whenever we've asked a waiter/tress in Denmark for that we've basically always recieved a ".....o_O O_o ...box..?" kind of reaction while they boggle over the request.
thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: September 17th, 2006 10:31 am (UTC) (Link)
actually we didnt ask. she asked us if we wanted a box surprisingly. But yeah if we asked for a box anywhere else there would have been a jeer or two i think. Phil says its kinda low class to ask that anyways since if you go to a restaurant youre going for the ambiance.
xianjaguar From: xianjaguar Date: September 17th, 2006 10:22 am (UTC) (Link)
That's hilarious! Definately go back and try more food, and tell us the results! =D

I wonder how many of our Italian/Mexican/German/*insert nationality here* restaurants in America are totally "off-the-mark" and how many foreigners come to America and giggle at our attempts?
thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: September 17th, 2006 10:42 am (UTC) (Link)
Im actually going to try try try to have mexican food here. Wish me luck XD

The German restaurants in America are, according to Phil, off the mark as well. And having been to some in the states vs. what you have here I have to agree.

Phil had an experience where he went to a German restaurant and the waitresses (dressed in traditional dirndls of course) came over and basically told them that in Germany they have a tradition of drinking beer from a boot. o_O

Then Phil and his company spoke, the waitress noticed their accent and was horribly embarrassed XD
foxfeather From: foxfeather Date: September 17th, 2006 10:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Aaaah, that is great. I can't wait to visit Europe. We're supposed to go next month, so I can meet my husband's family in person (finally!). Judging from his reaction to so many things here, I think it will definitely be... different.
thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: September 17th, 2006 10:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Oooh be sure to record your experiences XD
yelth From: yelth Date: September 17th, 2006 02:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
While in France I went to a "french-canadian" resturant. Now, everyone in Canada knows that there's this french-canadian dish called a poutine that is essentially like the hallmark of Quebec. So, I asked to see what they'd come up with, nothing. They didn't offer it.

Looking back over what was offered was basically french cuisine liberally coated in maple syrup, as if maple syrup immediately makes everything Canadian. *sage nod* Even the wine was given a shot of maple flavouring to make it Canadian.

Sad thing is, there actually is a wine made from maple syrup. What they offered wasn't it. Talk about lame and false advertising.

thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: September 17th, 2006 02:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
aaah hahahahahahahaha! Oh man that made me laugh so hard XD

Im gonna make canadian schnitzel (dumps maple syrup on pork).

Im curious about this maple syrup wine though.
doodlesthegreat From: doodlesthegreat Date: September 17th, 2006 02:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Mayple Syrup on meat is actually pretty good. See: Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles, an L.A. institution.
yelth From: yelth Date: September 17th, 2006 03:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
I thought you'd get a kick out of that.:) I know I was sorely dissapointed in their idea of apple pie...wtf was that shit? A toaster struddle?

Maple wine is good! Sweet, mapley, kicks a good one. Costs about $15 for 200ml for the local variety. Yum yum yum!
cwtyger From: cwtyger Date: September 17th, 2006 07:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was wondering what they would consider to be Canadian, and somehow, I'm not surprised.
doodlesthegreat From: doodlesthegreat Date: September 17th, 2006 02:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Simply put, translational errors are pretty common across culinary lines. Suggestions for what to look for next:

New England Clam Chowder
Hush Puppies
Soul Food
Southern Fried Chicken

(BBQ bukkake... *snerk*)
hartssong From: hartssong Date: September 17th, 2006 04:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
:( I want to be in Germany, you make me rabid with jealousy! *foams at the mouth*

One of these days I'll manage to meander over there to invade my family's homeland. And most likely end up being tossed out and all knowledge of my exsistance disavowed.
From: blueotter Date: September 17th, 2006 04:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
That reminds of me of some strangeness on my stint in Southern California, where a few diners had burgers "Oklahoma Style". I curiously asked what Oklahoma style was, and learned to the socal popluation, that meant double cheese. I don't think I remember anyone in Oklahoma ordering a burger with double cheese. Go figure. :P
lokabrenna From: lokabrenna Date: September 17th, 2006 05:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
"Yarmulke of cheese" is my new favourite phrase.
arbeywolf From: arbeywolf Date: September 17th, 2006 06:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
HAHA! I love these kind of stories.
We went to an Italian place in Elgland once and I had the lagana...it was like soup! o.0

Also I agree about the chili thing, they do that at "American" places in England too LOL
westly_roanoke From: westly_roanoke Date: September 17th, 2006 07:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's the most I've laughed all morning.
dragonheadthing From: dragonheadthing Date: September 17th, 2006 09:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
lol Maybe you should cook some real American food for them like you did for Phil.
alexf0x From: alexf0x Date: September 17th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I have to say that I do the cheese, sauces and nachos at least once a month on a Friday with a few of my co-workers. I have to say that I get it at a WetherSpoons bar (Although the one I go to is supposed to be the largest bar in the UK, and only 30 seconds walk from my work place) that are not normally said to have the best food about, but they do get the nacho plate right. Big heap of cheese with the ‘Green stuff’ and chili's, Always aim for the stuff that’s stuck together and scoop up that ‘green stuff’ (what ever the hell its called). Then wash it down with a pint of beer, my idea of ending the week.
alexf0x From: alexf0x Date: September 17th, 2006 10:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh and one of my regrets of being in Germany recently was the fact that I didn’t eat enough German food. The first two days of my visit I mostly ate at the Italian place in Nuremberg’s market place. Mostly because I could talk to one of the waiters, and I could make out the menu, as in I knew what I was getting.

Mind I could of gone with my Girl friends advise which was “if in doubt and if you’ve had it before go with the schnitzel”, but I don’t know if I could live for 48 hours on pork burger in bread crumb.

Mind from what I could make out from some of the more traditional menus, most of it sounded like Sunday roast (I.e heavy on the meat and cabbage). As it is I personally find Sunday roast to be a bit bland.

I do like the schnitzel though, just not too much of it.
thornwolf From: thornwolf Date: September 18th, 2006 06:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Actually the place I was hanging out most of the time in Nuremburg was if you go down the hill from the castle on the right hand side theres a bratwurst restaurant, totally traditional (and hokey). They have the best brats Ive ever had, with potato salad thats to die for and of course washed down with a delicious beer. Man I'm missing that just thinking about it.

As for the "green stuff" its called guacamole =)
alexf0x From: alexf0x Date: September 18th, 2006 05:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I know the place that you are talking about. I did eat there at lunchtime on the Tuesday before the convention.

Yeah I did the brat’s and potato salad too, and yeah it was to die for when washed down with the dark beer. Oh and it was also one place that had an English menu too, which made it easy for someone like me who can hardly speak a word of German.

Yeah and I thought that the ‘Green Stuff’ was called guacamole, but wasn’t quite sure; p
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