An Ethel Among Mermans (thornwolf) wrote,
An Ethel Among Mermans
thornwolf

American Diner in Germany

Yesterday I went to the American diner with Phil (Simply called: American Restaurant), this is where we usually sit to have a beer because its less crowded than the italian cafe and we were in the mood for something cheap and greasy.

Well, every week they have "half priced burger" day. Now, their burgers are very interesting, but I get ahead of myself...

The thing about this American diner is of course, they're trying to bring the German people a taste of the US aside from McD's. Looking at the menu I find nearly everything, including the "tacos" are covered in chili. Hell you can even get schnitzel with chili. They seem to think that us Americans take every day normal food and coat it in Chili. Western style = add bacon and jalapenos...oh and more chili.

Even the appetizers are utterly unimaginative. It reads thusly:

Chips and salsa
Nachos Regular
Nachos with BBQ Chicken
Nachos Supreme/Grande..wtf ever theyre trying to signify that these are even MORE ultimate nachos than the previous nacho dish
Onion rings.

...

So like...16 different kinds of chips/cheese/otherstuff combos and then for a change of pace, onion rings.

Back to the burgers. The burgers, while their sole purpose in life is to be a sandwich, are, however, not. Now this being an American diner of course and us Americans are big fat lardasses and one patty is simply just not enough fried beef to satiate their appetite, these things have 2 big, thick, monsterous patties. 2 patties for half price with all the fixins plus fries and coleslaw? Not bad! But I made the mistake of the first time I got a burger there of defying the laws of physics and attempting to make a sandwich out of this thing.

No go.

They take the 2 halves of the buns put a patty on each, and coat it in a pillar of grilled onions that puts the tower of Babel to shame, plus the condiments, which taste suspiciously like curry.

Needless to say everything spurted out and it was utter burger carnage and I was forced to defile lady liberty and my country by wiping my greasy bbq sauce covered face on the tiny american flag/statue of liberty napkins they provided. MMM...bbq bukkake, my flag has never tasted so delicious.

This time, however, I decided to go with one of the many (!) nacho dishes. I got the regular nachos because I had a sneaking suspicion the bbq chicken nachos would be coated in bbq sauce like they do to everything else that lacks chili. My nachos arrive and I notice this massive plate of chips and jalapenos with ...what can best be described as a yarmulke of cheese coating a very small baldspot of chips. Furthermore it was barely melted so it looked more like cheese worms than gooey deliciousness.

The waitress left and I tried to explain to Phil that nachos sans cheese cease to be nachos. They're just really festive tortilla chips at that point. So I rationed my cheese because sending things back is I guess a very rude and pretentious American thing to do (Im in an American restaurant, they should expect it) but we were able to get some more cheese for free when we wanted to pack up the rest of them. However, despite the significant lack of the very item that makes them, indeed, nachos, they were actually pretty good!

I can honestly say the only reason I keep going back to this American diner is my own curiosity. I'm curious to see what American dish they'll attempt next and what disgusting greasy fat laden liquid they'll pour on an otherwise perfectly good meal in the name of good ol' American tradition. =)
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