grandma started to lose it a bit as we said our happy birthdays. i just hugged her. i miss him very much. kinda makes me wonder about death. what hes doing, how he is..and where he is, if anywhere at all. id like to think hes in heaven. ive been having dreams about him. i think it would be cruel of God to give me dreams about him and have him not be in a safe place. i feel good about the whole thing though.
as for mom, mike and i went with her to Peohe's, an expensive hawaiian themed seafood restaurant that overlooks the city on the water *also where Tav and i had our first date which happened to be the most expensive date in the history of mankind, also the longest and most horrible....will talk about it another time*
they added a new sushi section to their menu....hold me back fellas! of course i got their award winning lobster bisque...in which they changed the main ingredients so its no longer the same bisque =P bastards.... and got some unagi.
i gorged myself *drool*
mom loved the fondue pot i gave her and absolutely loved the DVD. as for the velvet pajamas mike gave her she said "oh! there far too nice to wear!! *puts back in box* around thehouse i mean..." they may not be her style. ill have em though =)
dad tried to talk with me seriously about my future today. ive been thinking about that a lot lately, i need to figure out what direction im going in before its too late. my MAIN concern is where im gonna live. mom doesnt want me. dad informed me that mike thinks im a spoiled brat. he needs to learn to hold his tongue in this household if he doesnt want things getting back to me >=/ as for me i dont care if he knows i think hes dumb as a brick. nice..but dumb.
i may be spoiled, but im no brat. his only proof is that mom and i fight all the time. thats not being a brat..thats just feeling crowded. if rats eat each other in close quarters what does he expect humans to do?
so yeah...mom doesnt want me..i sure as hell dont wanna live with mom. i cant afford to live on my own, i dont want dad rearranging his life so he can live down here so i can live with him...plus that would mean him, june and the 2 girls and i cant handle that in the slightest. so what do you do? what DO you do?
ive tried nothin' and im all outta ideas.
perhaps i can get arrested and live in a prison. free food at least. not good but..filling. no no...i like to be alone..cant deal with people. AHA! solitary confinement. yep =D
now thats just wishful thinking.
as for art, im on a downward spiral into depression. i can feel it coming. too much on my mind to think about art at the moment. the irony of that is...the things on my mind that are stressing me out are planning for my future...as an ARTIST. whatcha gonna do eh?
ah well. hopefully ill be able to unwind soon.
better get crackin on that illustrator program. i have a "report?" due sunday with my dad. he wants to check my progress in hopes that i "deserve" that "free" trip to new york. dont you love quotation marks?
yeah..my life is confusing. i know.